“This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something.” – Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
In reality, there can only be a handful of films that will trigger your soul and pull your unlabeled thoughts from your subconscious. Oftentimes, they will reel you in by using the spectacle of the acting, the cinematography, the locations, the production design, and other aspects of cinema; and, hook you forever by asking you the following questions?
- What is it that you truly desire?
- What truths have you been hiding from yourself?
- What kind of life do you really want to have in respect of all the things that you’ve been doing since you gained consciousness?
Those will ask you questions even without you knowing; and, you ending up either recognizing the void that you’ve been taking care of as a coping mechanism or shattering the multi-layered rose-colored glasses that was placed between your eyes. For me, one of these films is the 2010 classic, Eat, Pray, Love.
- Italy: Learning a New Language and Love For Food
- India: Forgiving Yourself and Others, And Sending Light
- Indonesia: The Need for Sex and The Experience of Realistic Romance
- What Is Your “Word”?
I got the chance to watch it for the first time during the first few days of having hope against the tirades of the pandemic. My father was visiting his relatives up in the north and my brother was out that day because of a band errand; so, my mother and I had the chance to watch until late evening. We first watched Nottinghill; and, when we saw a recommendation of another film where Julia Roberts is part of cast, we immediately went towards that direction. We got ourselves coffee and a few biscuits before the start of the film; and then went on to change my entire perspective about life.
Logline: A married woman realizes how unhappy her marriage really is, and that her life needs to go in a different direction. After a painful divorce, she takes off on a round-the-world journey to “find herself.” – IMDB
When I first learned about the premise of a woman spending her entire money to travel to three different countries just for her to regain her taste and hunger for everything than being in and out of a relationship with a guy, phew, I taught to myself: “That was expensive and exhausting. I would never do that in my entire life.” I mean, I thought that it was a first world idiocy to do that when you can soul search without leaving everything you’ve built that far from home. It even helped my internal argument against the obsession on Filipino films having too much plotlines about leaving the country – which I could explain on another time. But, then it hit me. It was all about energy.
Liz felt so overwhelmed by herself, overpouring energy to things and people that never gave her the true elixir of life – specifically, after getting the reading from Ketut Liyer. I hypothesize, even back during my first watch, that she then realized how everything that was thrown back to her was really not deep and loving. She wasn’t able to transmute those energies to something positive that she could own because those were never even about her to begin with – it was all about the soulless papers she wrote for travel magazines. It was about her then-husband that probably never even thought of her during decision making but then only got to realize everything when she finally decided to file for a divorce and move away. I thought that maybe, even though I was a male-presenting person, I related to someone. As a giver, who became a “provider” and a “supporter” back in childhood, I never had that satisfaction of receiving. Even when I had that painful, first relationship for 10 months, the only thing I received was the superficial, material aspect. On both instances, I got gaslighted into thinking that it was my fault and that I was only seeking attention. To be fair, I was only asking for a bit more than the bare minimum – which says a lot about relationships nowadays.
I was a bit apprehensive when I first saw that sub-plot of Liz and David’s romance. It was understandable that Liz decided to welcome his energy for that temporariness both filled the void that was suddenly present after her divorce and was the real turning point for her going on the trip. David was true to his romance but it didn’t feel right because she wasn’t ready yet. She was still hurting from that recent heartbreak and it looked like she only had his embrace as a band-aid. And, no, this is not some misogynist attack, for I know that everyone used people and other attachments as temporary fixes and a thin wall between us and the truth that we need to face. We have been hurt people who hurt people at certain times. And, upon looking at the bigger picture, we might even justify it as the only solution that we only saw back then. No judging can be made but I do hope we all learned from those “fixed points”.
It was a good thing that David introduced her a different form of belief and understanding. Yes, God made the first move by telling her to go to bed; but, it would’ve been quite a fantastical thing that she might have needed something that is a bit toned down. David’s yogi was of the mundane and the human and it might have helped gain some footing. However, imagine having a routine life; but, then, all of it comes crashing down after someone tells you that you’ll lose all of your money, be divorced, and will turn into many directions. I guarantee, that besides thinking that it all might be untrue, you’ll be having so much fear because you’ll never know whether your upcoming actions will make all of those come to life.
It was a bit funny because I’ve been receiving clear readings from the universe since 2019. I used to dream of what might happen in the future; but, I never heard actual sentences until I met a few people. When my exposure to spirituality started and my faith with God was renewed, everything went to disarray in order to put my life in its real order. I had a lot of financial problems, lost so many people, broke the hearts of other people and myself, and even got diagnosed with mental illnesses, all within five years. I got tested by putting me in the middle of so many illusions, strayed from the path where I should have finished my studies on time, and destroyed and rebuilt my identity so many times. I have learned a lot from these experiences; but, every time I get a reading, there is always this fear. And as someone who lost their pulse, or at least trying to get a hold of it for so long, that constant external change without experiencing true happiness, and love, and peace is exhausting. To see Liz, use that fear and all of that pain, to make the greatest upheaval of her life to regain control of herself, is inspired.
Does that mean that I’ll suddenly leave everything and behind and go to three different countries to find inner peace and balance? Of course not. I’m afraid I do not have that kind of privilege. Right now, I would only get a taste of what I want to do by visiting different places for the first time. Perhaps, for some, the only way to fix their life is to abandon it; but, for those of us who have someone to heal with, and have the responsibility to break curses, to get a taste is already blessing. However, there is always that still, small voice, who wonder about the possibility of doing so.
How does it feel to leave your past behind to different places where no one knows you? How fun it is to just try new food without even thinking about weight gain; and, learning new languages at the same instance that you’re exploring new culture? What is the “word” to describe experiencing realistic, true love that never takes a part of your soul until you are left with nothing? To these questions, I still have no answer yet; but, the film does give me possibilities.
Italy: Learning a New Language and Love For Food
There are still so many things that I have to work on when it comes to my relationship with food. I’ve done both starving myself and eating a lot to oblivion just because of my past experiences. I was obsessed with the idea of the South Beach diet while walking a lot to save up money and to ensure that I was constantly losing weight. I got stressed with responsibilities that I used to go home from school and eat a lot of carbohydrates just as a snack. Even though I finally found the balance of eating just right, there’s still something bugging inside me – making it quite difficult to determine what it is that I want in terms of my body. The only thing that is constant right now is I want to expose myself to delicious food and appreciate it as it is – making it more than simply sustenance for survival,
Watching Liz go to Rome to start her spiritual journey was really fun. At the first real moment of freedom, she went exploring food. Lots of pizza, pasta, roasted turkey, and wine; and, no regrets at all. I even liked this small scene with Sofi, the Swedish woman, inside a pizzeria where they talked about the guilt of gaining a few pounds just for eating delicious food because Liz was right. It was not about men putting out once their sexual partner becomes naked. It was that the only thing that they have to worry after eating is just getting bigger jeans.
For so long, this obsession with being thin have been costing people a lot of enjoyment. It costs me my relationship with my family, my innocent desire to taste eat food even though my body is needing it, and my body’s ability to rest after being pressured past its limits. It’s makes people turn to unhealthy obsession to other things like alcohol, nicotine, and sex. Deprivation either makes people crave more of what they lack (or what represents the lack) or become soulless freaks that are too obsessed with weight loss and unrealistic expectations.
It is somewhat adjacent to the obsession to do more – which is my current problem. I can’t stay in one place without thinking about responsibilities or things that are considered productive, not even for a quick minute. I am in a constant stressful place and, sadly, this has become my natural habit. When I attempt at resting, I feel a lot of guilt. I either turn to distracting things like doomscrolling or my body forces me to rest by making me sick. I lack the stillness because I never learned what it was before.
When the concept of “dolce far niente” or the sweetness of doing nothing was introduced in the film, I was jealous. I used to enjoy a similar thing of doing nothing back when I was a child – back when money wasn’t a main thing that I was worrying about. I miss recognizing the warmth of the morning sunlight, the sound of breakfast cooking, and the sight of people just taking it slow during the day. Apparently, it’s not just an American problem – it’s shared by a lot of people who just keeps on going until they are totally spent.
Liz was exactly like that before her adventure. She never rested between relationships. She was focused with work that she lost sight of who she was. That’s why when she was asked about her “word”, all she could think of was what she was doing professionally.
The word. What a funny little thing. For a world that is obsessed with labels, or the lack thereof, a lot of people (even those who don’t subscribe to this idea in a political manner) don’t know who they are. Most definitely, you’ll only hear professional terms. And, maybe, it’s difficult to know what word they are. I mean, how would someone use the word, “peace”, when they aren’t experiencing it? How can someone be “ambition” when their goals are not really personal to them and are often attached to material things like money? How can you be “love” when you don’t know what it is?
Should we find the word in another language? That’s what Sofi did, apparently. She went to Italy to learn the language and found herself to be in love with someone. This is probably the reason why people leave their homes – to find themselves, to know the word. Maybe that’s why Filipino films are obsessed with the plotline of leaving the city or their country; because, that is the easiest thing to do to find their soul (without factoring expenses and cultural barrier).
But, sometimes, I think whether finding the word is enough to bring back oneself to their better versions or not. There will be immense pain and dissatisfaction when one hasn’t forgiven their previous word, their previous version. They wouldn’t even know the word that they’re looking for when they don’t understand the one that they have.
India: Forgiving Yourself and Others, And Sending Light
Liz’s relationship with David was necessary for her spiritual growth because it made her subconscious into thinking about his yogi’s ashram in India. After filling the body, it’s time to purge the soul; and, I would probably face the same issues that she had when she went there.
This may be the privilege talking but I won’t survive in an environment where I have to stay silent and go into a routine that is so quiet that I can hear my heart beating. I’m used to the idea of isolation and doing the mundane for I experienced it when I was stuck alone in my apartment during the pandemic; but, this is different. The only goal that I had back then was to survive; but, to be in a place like this means that I have to force myself to sit with my thoughts, and to confront and to atone for the sins that I did to myself and others in such a religious way.
Liz already wanted to get out of the temple after staying for a quick minute. She couldn’t handle doing long meditations, staying quiet, and being with a lot of people who were doing a lot better than her in terms of healing. She couldn’t handle the simplicity of not having distractions like romance, sex, and even that innocence of exploration. Why? She went there without knowing what she really wanted to get out of the experience. She went there because David found peace with the assistance of the yogi? Not enough. She needed to find her own reason. Was it to find God? She already sensed the presence before she had her divorce and lost her money. Was it to understand David’s vibrations? She must have known that her experience was different than his so to go there was obsolete.
Maybe it was a good thing that she didn’t really know what she wants because she had to face herself through the lens of Richard from Texas and Tulsi. She had to be humbled by experiencing the pain of other people. This is why I really loved the scenes of the marriage sequence up until when she imagined her marriage as a way of materializing of accepting her regrets on marriage.
The marriage sequence was so sad because everyone else is happy. Liz recognized how Tulsi did not agree to having an arranged marriage and how the girl accepted her fate. Even though Liz comforted her and that it was part of the culture, the sadness of having to not choose was creeping in. It became more apparent upon realizing that, technically, Liz had a choice because she was lost in constant movement; and that, at the moment of her own marriage, she was happy until she wasn’t. That breaking off from the chains was a heavy thing to accomplish and it took a toll on her.
That weight became much more profound when she finally saw Richard open up. Someone who kept on bugging her because she was so closed and her mind was so full of unnecessary burden finally revealed that he was also atoning for his own sins.
There are two ways to read this. The first one was that there was a part of him that was projecting his own hurt and guilt because he was carrying his own. The second one was that the only way for him to heal was to help Liz in her own struggles in the ashram and in life. The regrets and “survivor’s guilt” were heavy but as both realized in the end: it’s okay to send love and light to the things that that were or they used to want to be with and then dropping it. It was so simple that it I had a difficult time grasping it.
I was used to going back and forth to the things that were and the moments that are to make sure that I didn’t have any regrets; but, it was the wrong way because it didn’t allow me to grow and move forward. All I did was to hold on to things that I was meant to let go. In my own monkey mind, I grabbed on vines that were already dead and had no strength to be with me. And, when I let go, it was a bit too late in a sense that I was already numbed and damaged. It took a long time and great risk for me to start feeling again and to heal the wounds as I navigate the present moment. I may not have needed to go an ashram but it demanded a lot from me that I became a changed person.
Indonesia: The Need for Sex and The Experience of Realistic Romance
I need to be honest. It is hard for me to watch this part of the film because it feels so renewed and so afraid; the same as Liz’s understanding of the world. She went to two countries to heal both of her body and soul and was quite afraid to shake that balance that she worked hard for. Even though I think that the main reason that she went to Bali was to go back to Ketut Liyer – to thank him and to ask for more guidance afterwards, and to teach him English, she needed to work more of her shadow.
I feel like my current state, in 2025, is the same with Liz’s while she was in this country. I want to experience sex, romance, and new things but I’m afraid that if I expose myself to the world again, I’ll be broken and will have to re-do all of the work on self acceptance and growth that I did all since a couple of years ago. I became too involved and relaxed with the idea of isolation that being “back to reality” becomes an exhausting, ambitious thing. I would rather be by myself helping my family and exploring my own passions than sharing my love that I cultivated for myself with other people who might or might not deserve it.
When someone, Felipe, was trying to enter her life and show her a form of realistic romantic love, she was afraid to open up even though she was trying to get a taste of it. It took a while for her to take the chance of being in bed with him, to know his truth about being widowed and a father to an independent college boy, and for her to accept his love – which happened just before the movie ended. She recognized that she was still hurting, finding peace, and that she couldn’t graciously accept such beautiful things until she considered herself ready. But, truthfully, who is?
Who can say that they are truly ready to face something when it arrives (even when noticed? I always say “bring it on” whenever someone asks me this question; but, deep down, I have no idea what might happen. When everything is so abstract and complex, one can only prepare so much. She were too obsessed with healing herself that she didn’t consider that being open to the world, like Richard from Texas figured out in the end of the subplot, was part of that healing. And, maybe that is the thing. Nobody knows what might happen so there is no purpose of being afraid of something that you can’t see. In fact, you have to put faith on that unseen world so that you can actually live as a person.
Sometimes, when I think of potentially traveling to known places, I would always have the questions on what if with regard to romance, sorrow, and the inevitability of things happening as they should. I would always be wondering of how worth it my experience will be; or, how wasteful I will be in terms of the depth and beauty of the experience. But, I don’t want fear to be my “word”.
What Is Your “Word”?
I’m still searching for it. Maybe, it’s “attraversiamo” or “let’s cross over” – the same thing that Liz declared at the end of the film. It means the acceptance of chaos, pain, and heartbreak in our lives that we have to just take a leap of faith and do what we want and have to do. Maybe, it is my current word. I’m currently taking my time to be in terms with the craziness that the world is bringing me. However, I want to get past all of those. I want to have that peace beyond the acceptance. To be able to not have a simple resolution, but the devotion to strive for that happy feeling that Liz eventually felt in the end.
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