Spotify Wrapped 2019: A Reflection on Music and Memories – Part 2

Music has been with a lot of us for as long as we remember. It has been either a guide, a distraction, or a communication channel for a lot of us. For me, for the most part, it has been a memory holder – especially, for moments that seemed to be mundane and insignificant at the time. It serves as a reminder of how I felt, behaved, and acted on the circumstances that I was in whilst listening to it. Different songs remind me of my past triggers, relationships, and other environmental factors that made me who I am today. At the same time, it shows how I have been growing as a person – which includes changes in my priorities and my values. And, every year since 2019, the Spotify Wrapped has become my main tool to look back on my experiences.

For the past few years, I’ve been wanting to carefully dissect this wonderful invention by Jewel Ham; but, I’ve never thought of a proper channel until now. I’ve always wanted to know how certain songs represent different seasons of my life because I’ve always relied on the lyrics and the feelings that the songs give off to: 1) guide me to determine how I’m truly feeling at a certain moment; and, 2) recognize thoughts that are hidden behind such emotion. 

Now, I’m ready to look back and reflect. It’s now time to encourage such mindfulness in the things that we consume. And, I invite you to this small journey in determining my personal growth through music. And, maybe, just maybe, you’ll also be encouraged to become attentive to the things that you listen to and to partake in this fun inner work.

(Disclaimer: I am not affiliated to Spotify. This is not a sponsored post. All thoughts are entirely my own. Also, if you want to access the public playlist while reading the article, you can click here!)

If you want to read the first part, click here!

1. A Sad Story of a Night Owl Boy
2. Sunday Mornings: Throwbacks and Coping Mechanisms
3. The Mamma Mia Obsession
4. The Beyonce Awakening: My True Introduction to the Innovator
5. The Quiet Moments When No One is Watching

My college life was a bit odd because I experienced the two sides of the coin but it was not enough. I met a lot of people, flirted with some, attended lots of parties, and a lot of things about myself and my priorities were changed and were in disarray. Because I was an infant in terms of freedom, it was always never be enough. When times went rough and unknown, I managed to create a bubble that was my safe haven. A haven where no one else could go and where I could feel calm. A personal home where no one could judge me and I could behave as I was. That space only appeared when I was alone or so lost within my zone that I did not realize where I was or what I was doing. Funnily enough, I was only able to access that again while looking at this playlist.

It turns out that there were moments when I thought I was doing something like working on a paper, or cleaning my room, I was onto something else. There were moments that I was actually walking inside the campus so late at night, or I was outside looking for food, or was on my bed while staring into the abyss. All of those moments, I was wearing my headphones and listening to the music.

~"I say goodbye to love again
In loneliness, my only friend
In loneliness, my only fear
The nights end"~

~"I used to recognize myself
It's funny how reflections change
When we're becoming something else
I think it's time to walk away"~

~"Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say goodbye"~

~"Oh hihigpitan ko ang kapit sa Diyos
Maliwanag na rin
Eto na't parating
Matatapos ang lahat ng pagsubok na 'to"~

Weekends have been my favorite ever since. I have no definite schedule. I’m not constantly accountable with something because everybody else is either busy with house chores, asleep, or just trying to make up for lost time. I would always remember how we did weekends back in our family’s house.

On one weekend, my father would wake me up at 7AM in the morning just so the family could eat breakfast together. I would always be angry because I wanted to pay my sleep debt; but, I had no choice. I would open the television and watch Pokemon or Sineskwela (a science show for kids). Once everyone was full and alive, we would clean the house – with me, always getting the job of dusting off figurines, and table tops. When my father came back home from the market, I would immediately get a knife and our chopping block because I set in my subconscious that it was my duty to cut meat, skin potatoes, and remove creamers and coffee from the packages. My mom would turn on the speakers and play music from Barbra Streisand, Celine Dion, and Mariah Carey so that she could hum and sing while sweeping off dirt from the floor. When everything was done, we would eat lunch and each of us would attend to our own things – my mother, sewing clothes; my brother, playing guitar; my father, either sleeping, gossiping, or checking on tools; and myself, studying or borrowing the Gameboy Advance we had when we were kids. Those days felt peaceful and mundane to me that I subconsciously recreated that feeling when I had nothing to do during my college days.

I would listen to greatest hits like Always Be My Baby, Halo, or The Way We Were while I rearrange my documents and my reading. When I cleaned our bathroom, I would listen to OPM like Huling Sayaw by Kamikazee (which I got the hang of listening because my brother has always been a fan of the band) because it made me think as if I liked scrubbing off that part of the house. It was a funny memory because every time I had to clean a section that was so dirty, I would belt out verses like I was having a concert so I could be desensitized. During breaks between doing assignments and house chores, I would drink coffee and listen to Kitchie Nadal and MYMP and sway along the music. It would always be fantastic because I would accomplish so many things without feeling tired and burned out.

On special occasions that I had to retrigger my creativity on a weekend, I would listen to 100 Years by Five For Fighting because it would remind me of the book that I was really hooked into when I was in high school – One Hundred Years of Solitude. This Gabriel Garcia Marquez magical realism book, about a family’s history with the fictional town of Macondo, was the first story that I had an in-depth analysis and research while reading. I would read each chapter while making annotations, and making the extra step of checking other analyses so I could raise more questions and share insights during our discussion in class.

The Mamma Mia Obsession

• Super Trouper – ABBA
• My Love, My Life – Amanda Seyfried, Lily James, Meryl Streep
• Happy New Year – ABBA
• The Day Before You Came – Meryl Streep
• The Winner Takes It All – ABBA
• Andante, Andante – Lily James

Even before my college days, back to my life as an elementary student, I would listen to old music that my mother and grandmother on her side would play every now and then. One of the songs that was engrained in my head was ABBA’s Mamma Mia and Waterloo. I would watch the music videos when no one was watching – as if as it was pornography because those were so flamboyant. I would imitate Agnetha Fältskog’s mouth work so I could match her singing style. I would look at Anni-Frid Lyngstad’s face during their Super Trouper era and recognize how it was similar as to how my grandmother looked.

I was welcomed to the Mamma Mia a bit late. It was in 2012 that I discovered about the musical and the movie. I bought a pirated DVD at the market and played it so many times that my father became so irritated. I would watch behind the scenes videos back when Youtube was simple; and imagine myself as part of the cast or that I was in Greece – running towards the church up in that hill with that long red scarf, while singing The Winner Takes It All. I know, so dramatic and so gay.

The fact that the music have the space inside my soul since I first listened to ABBA back in 2008 says a lot. We all know that the group’s songs are aphrodisiacs – in fact, a little bit related to Mary Jane. I would listen to Voulez-Vouz and dance like I was an adult, dancing inside a club. I would pretend mouthing When All Is Said And Done and One of Us like a divorcee. I even use Two For The Price of One as a lullaby for me to sleep.

The second Mamma Mia film came at a time when I needed it most – when I was in an all-time low and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. It didn’t help to know that Meryl Streep’s character, Donna Sheridan, was “gone”; but, to see all of the characters come back together and sing all of those hits from the first presentation warmth my heart. To recontextualize the family’s past in a subtle scary meta way was a bit of a trip; but, I didn’t even worry about the movie’s continuity errors. I just happened to enjoy a new thing to consume.

I still listen to the discography; and, it still gives me the happy vibes. But, it feels like I’ve grown enough to only visit the music for nostalgia or for worst case scenarios. No matter what happens, this still has a spot in my heart.

The Beyonce Awakening: My True Introduction to the Innovator

• Sandcastles – Beyonce
• Drunk In Love – Beyonce, JAY-Z
• Flawless Remix (feat. Nicki Minaj) – Beyonce, Nicki Minaj
• Sorry – Beyonce
• Don’t Hurt Yourself (feat. Jack White) – Beyonce, Jack White
• Diva – Homecoming Live – Beyonce

I remember this very fondly. Back in April 2018, I was in my grandmother’s house – totally bored because it was almost near my graduation. I was simply waiting on test results from different universities when I looked at my Twitter and saw that there was a livestream of Beyonce’s performance in Coachella. I checked the stream and found myself watching for hours.

Before then, I wasn’t that much of a fan of her. Of course, I listened to her top songs but I wasn’t part of the Hive. That performance triggered something in me that when the Netflix special was released, I watched and listened almost every day, during my writing and studying sessions. I was persuaded to do more and have a more stable work ethic because of that documentary. From adding the album to my Spotify playlist, I went on to listen to more of her discography to a point where I am now – waiting for Beyonce to surprise the world on the genre that is herself.

Her songs became available to every moment I can remember. I listened to Sandcastles when I couldn’t find the depth of my sadness. I sang Sorry, Formation, and Flawless when I needed to have the confidence to do what I needed to do. I played Drunk in Love at times when I was drunk and feeling a little bit sexy.

Now, I won’t share more about my love for her songs and her ethics as a performer because I know that I’ll be giving praise to her on my next reflections on the succeeding Spotify Wrapped playlists.

The Quiet Moments When No One is Watching

• Sundo – Imago
• Crazy for You – Adele
• Akala – Marion Aunor
• Sana – I Belong to the Zoo
• Hiling – Mark Carpio
• Bato Sa Buhangin – Glaiza De Castro
• Take It All – Adele
• ILYSB – STRIPPED – LANY
• ATBP. – Lo ki
• Needed Me – Rihanna
• Lying Down – Celine Dion

Now, this is a little bit miscellaneous. There were those idle moments that I just listened to random music and I didn’t have much of an attachment to it. Not that these songs didn’t have much importance to me (because, why are they in the Spotify Wrapped when I didn’t listen to them so many times?); but, I treat these songs as interludes to my day. A determining factor between seasons and phases.

When I needed some music to sleep soundly, I listened to Adele, specially her album, 19. If I had to find a buffer between angsty and confident songs, I played Rihanna’s Needed Me because it was slow; but, still has this rumbling intensity. When I couldn’t get the creative energy from a certain song, I’d listen to Celine Dion.

Revisiting these songs was a blast for it gave me the chance to recollect all of my missing memories. I believe that this playlist, amongst its successors, has been necessary on my growth for it serves as a reminder of the steps that I managed to take. The funny thing, is that despite the fact that I was able to get more information about my past because of music, this playlist only scratches the surface.

It is important to note that there may be songs that have spilt their juices on the succeeding Spotify Wrapped. We shall see how my attachment to these songs and my life, in general, pivot to whole new other direction.

If you still have your playlist or remember the songs that you constantly played back in 2019, can you let me know what’s the most memorable song in your playlist and how it became attached to you?

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